


The Truth About Santa Claus

by sev313



Category: Frasier - Fandom
Genre: Holiday, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-19
Updated: 2009-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-04 15:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sev313/pseuds/sev313
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niles: "How did I get here?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Truth About Santa Claus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lunabee34 (Lorraine)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorraine/gifts).



> These characters belong to Paramount, I'm just borrowing for the day.

"Good morning Niles."

Niles shuffles the packages in his arms, rearranging them so that he can use his knee to close the door. Finally, he looks up at Frasier and drops half of the bags in his arms. Eddie barks at him and his dad looks up from his paper.

"What is it, Niles? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Niles lets out a little sound and Frasier puts down the half muffin he's eating to help gather up Niles' packages. "What's all this?"

"Why are you dressed like that?" Niles asks, having finally found his breath.

"What, this?" Frasier asks nonchalantly.

"Yes, that. That _Santa Claus_ outfit." For Frasier is wearing a Santa Claus costume, or, half of one at least. Red velvet pants, white t-shirt under suspenders, and a fake white beard resting around his neck. Frasier has the grace to blush and the coloring in his cheeks only adds to the effect. "You look like the clay Santa in that movie Mom used to make us watch."

"_Santa Claus is Coming to Town_?"

"Yes, that one."

Martin looks up from his paper again. "Your mom used to love that movie."

Niles puts his head down to gather more of his packages into his arms. "Personally, I always found it rather disturbing."

"If you thought that was disturbing, you should have seen a police station full of hooker-Santas. It'd scar you for life."

"Thank you, Dad, for that image." Frasier frowns at him, but Martin simply pulls up his paper again.

"So-" Niles adjusts his parcels to look clearly at Frasier again.

"The Children's Hospital is bringing a group of kids by the station later for the Christmas Party. Raz roped me into this." He points at his costume and Niles uses the opportunity to get a good look.

"Did she threaten to hang you?" Niles chuckles at his own joke and Frasier scowls at him.

"My Italian leather loafers."

Niles sighs sympathetically. "It's all clear now."

"What are all these?" Frasier adjusts the packages in his arms.

"Christmas presents."

"Well, I see that. _What_ are they doing in my apartment?"

"I needed someplace to hide them, and Daphne volunteered her room. Help me carry them?"

Frasier complies and they quickly deposit them outside of Daphne's room. Niles catches Frasier more than once trying to peer into the bags, but he hits his hand each time. "You'll only ruin your surprises." Niles warns.

"I like to think of myself as a patient man."

"But you're not. You weren't when you were five and you aren't now."

Frasier is about to retort when the doorbell rings and Roz enters, dressed in elf-ears and a very skimpy green and red skirt. "Ready to go Frasier, Niles?"

"Me? I'm not going anywhere. No way, no how. I do not _do_ Santa and Reindeer and Elves and dressing up. And I don't sing Carols."

***

"How did I get here?" Niles moans, rubbing his hands together in the cold.

"Someday you'll learn never to argue with me." Raz grins and snaps a picture. Niles continues to scowl at her.

"My constitution was not made to stand outside in December."

Frasier looks over at him, raising an eyebrow at his brother, who is dressed in plastic elf ears, a large green-and-red striped top hat, and white suspenders over a red turtle neck. "I don't know Niles, the ears suit you."

"Really?"

"Hmm."

"Well, fine, but can't we at least do this inside the station?"

Raz snaps another picture of the two of them and the little boy on Frasier's knee. "It's more authentic outside. Now smile, you're supposed to be Santa's helper, and his helpers are happy."

"Yeah, Niles," Frasier's eyes are gleaming as he lets the little boy down and helps a young girl into his lap. "Be happy as you do my bidding."

"Elves were slaves. That's something they always leave out of the stories."

"No need to scare the children."

"We coddle our young."

"Dad used to take us to the station so that we could amuse ourselves with his hand guns."

"Yes, and we turned out quite well."

"Indeed."

"I'm just saying," Niles blows at his hands, "that is we can teach our children about slaves in Egypt and the American Civil War, then we should also make it clear the truth about Santa Claus."

The little girl in Frasier's lap looks up at him. "What truth about Santa Claus?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Frasier looks panicked. "What do want for Christmas, little girl?"

"I want a castle. With a prince inside." The girl screw up her face in concentration, then grins at him. "And a pony."

"I'll put that on the list." Frasier helps her down and, when he looks up, Niles is looking at him pointedly.

"Coddled." Niles manages to look smug even as he blows on his cold hands and starts jumping in place.

***

"Obviously the Christmas spirit doesn't extend to cab drivers." Niles has his arms crossed around his chest, hugging himself tightly from the cold.

Frasier lowers his raised hand as another cab races past them without stopping. "It is quite dark out. Perhaps they can't see that I'm dressed as Santa."

Niles looks at him critically. "You're not carrying yourself like Santa."

"What?"

"You need to slouch more."

"Slouch? That's undignified."

"If it'll get us a cab faster, I'm okay with that."

With a sigh, Frasier relaxes his back and loosens his arms. "How's this?"

"Puts a new meaning to 'Slouching Towards Bethlehem.'"

"Oh, this is ridiculous." Frasier straightens his posture and takes Niles' arm. "Come on, we're walking."

"Where to?"

"Home."

"We're _ walking_ home?"

"If you'd rather freeze out here, be my guest. I, on the other hand, would enjoy the warmth of physical activity. Plus," he looks at Niles, hunched under a streetlamp in the cold, the light glinting off the snowflakes settling on Niles' noise and cheeks. "It's a nice night."

With a heavy sigh, Niles moves from the lamp and joins Frasier on the darker side of the sidewalk, hunching close to ward off the cold and the looks he's getting for his dress. Frasier lays a warm arm on Niles' shoulders and, as the fur tickles his neck, Niles seems to see it for the first time. "Hey, you're wearing a coat."

Frasier's eyes are twinkling. "Perks of being Santa Claus. But, the elves get the ears." Frasier traces the edge of Niles' pointed, plastic ears with his index finger.

Niles shivers, but this time for a much more pleasant reason. "There are perks to being an elf."

"Quite." Frasier pulls him into an abandoned alley and stands them so that they're under a light. The snow is still falling and Frasier pulls Niles close, brushing a cold flake from his eyelash. "Would you care to enumerate those perks?"

"Hmm." Niles pretends to ponder as he brings his cold fingers up to play with Frasier's long white beard. "I've always wondered what it would be like to kiss you with a beard."

Frasier laughs and bends down to kiss him, slow and gentle as the snow burns their cheeks. When he pulls away, they are both blushing with warmth. "Merry Christmas, Niles."


End file.
